"Hurry!"

Today... It started out fine.  I woke up happy...and then I sat up to get out of bed and the reality of the messiness of my house came on me like a cold, dark, cloud.  Everywhere I went all I could see were the piles of clutter and things that needed to be put away or cleaned.  In my mind the list of things to do was growing larger and the reality of the last week and a half of having sick kids made that list totally overwhelming.  I wished my house was just clean and organized.  I told myself that if I could just get it all done, that would make me so happy... I would be able to think clearly and get things done so much faster and I would just feel so much better.  I had a goal yesterday morning to get the kitchen cleaned up.  I figured just putting that one job on my list would make it doable... Here is the before-picture I took to help me be excited once the job was done.

I know.  It's embarrassing.











And here was my kitchen this morning after trying all day yesterday to get it cleaned up with ornery sick kids...

Not a whole lot of improvement... in some ways it's worse.










I didn't get much done this morning and I was too frustrated and upset about the house to really focus on anything.  I probably spent most of the morning trying to get the kids to "hurry" and finish their jobs so we could "hurry" and get started with learning time.  I am always in a hurry.  At one point, Zachary was asking to watch a show...I've been anti-TV for a while and would normally have said "no", but James was hungry and I decided to go ahead and put on a LeapFrog learning show for the kids... I took James to my room, sat in my big cushy recliner and fed him his bottle.  Before long James was asleep.  I almost got up and put him down in his bed, so that I could hurry and do some more work on the kitchen, but then I had a moment of clarity and I remembered that this was one of those parts of life I needed to just sit and let myself enjoy.  I let myself just sit and hold James and not do anything else.  I fell asleep holding him for at least 30 minutes.

Later this afternoon while I was driving Bethany to horseback riding lessons (after hurrying out the door and once again being overwhelmed and frustrated, I put on a recording of a call that Nicholeen Peck did for the Teaching Self Government course that I'm taking.  I had already listened to the beginning of the call and started it back up right as she started talking about the subject of being stressed out and thinking that once we get certain things (like a clean house) we will finally be happy... here are a couple of things she said that totally hit home:

"...we think that if we get those things, we will somehow feel better in our life.  If your mentality is to be in a hurry to get those things...then you might as well not have had them, even if you get them..."

"If you hurry around all of the time, you will spend so much time hurrying that you will never get anything worthwhile done!”

She also talked about making lists and that we often don't put the most important things on our lists, like "hold the baby", "look in your children's eyes" etc...  oh, how very true.

Have I mentioned how much I love Nicholeen Peck?  She has said so many things that I've listened to or read right in the moment I needed to hear them.  It's amazing how truth resonates.  I'd been praying for help and was given exactly what I needed to hear today.

The rest of my day went much better.  Although my kitchen still isn't clean, it is cleaner than it was this morning.  Although my day wasn't great overall, I did get to hold my little James.  Tomorrow I will try to remember not to hurry so much and not to wish some things were different so that I could be happy... because I need to choose to be happy today.

Distractions

I'm realizing that my life is full of distractions.  The biggest culprit in my life at this time is...

My phone.

Pretty.  Isn't it.

It is an amazing tool.  It has my calendar on it and it sends me reminders of events.  It has my kindle on it, which gives me the ability to read whatever I'm in the mood for when I have a minute to spare.  It has the scriptures on it.  It has the internet and gives me the capability to look things up immediately if I have a question about something.  It has a camera & video camera.  It has my e-mail, facebook, pinterest, and, of course, texting and calling capabilities.

The problem with all of that is that I spend way too much time looking at the phone when I should be looking at my children.  I spend way too much time thinking about whatever random e-mail or facebook post or book or whatever it may be when I should be thinking about my children, my husband, and my home.  As I've become more aware of this issue, I've noticed I'm not the only person with this problem... and it makes me sad.  It has made me determined to not be THAT mom... the one staring at her phone minute after minute, day after day, month after precious month only to look up one day and realize her little ones aren't little any more and all of the memories she could have been storing up in her brain were very craftily stolen away by the allurement of the smartphone.

So in this new effort to try to little by little become the woman that my Heavenly Father wants me to be,  I am starting with overcoming this addiction.  I'm not going to be carrying around this old "friend" day in and day out any more.  It will sit in my kitchen or purse instead of in my pocket.  I will use it in limited amounts at specific times.  I've felt for a while that I needed to put my phone down and although I should have done it weeks ago, I am not going to beat myself up.... I am just going to follow through with that prompting and start being more aware and more present in my own life.

In the beginning...

In the beginning...

there was a wife who was too needy and depressed...
a mother and home-educator who was too stressed out and distracted...
a homemaker who was too overwhelmed and disorganized...

until one day she remembered that the roles she had been given of wife, mother and homemaker were divine roles.  She knew she needed to simplify.  She needed to slow down, be present and grateful.  But most of all, she knew she needed to seek more diligently for divine help from the person who gave her these precious roles in the first place.

She knew He could help her grow into the woman she needed to be to fill those roles in the way she was meant to.

It's going to be an interesting journey!